First, I want to thank Pinky's on 89th street for their free wi-fi, which is making my blog update possible. I have to admit that part of me thinks that pedicures are necessities, not treats.
Anyway, I relayed the following story to my shrink today, during our monthly appointment, and now it's your turn, dear reader (s). (I'm not convinced there are more than one of you, but I digress).
In a fit of bored and disgust with being ignored by the boys that I was fucking (the broker and the political consultant and his "jammed" schedule), and the client that I have a crush on, I decided to create my own fun and post something filthy on Craigslist. I wish I could explain why I delight in this so--why it's fun to see men get so wound up and how many married men are looking for lovers, but even more basic than all of that--I like to see how men market themselves on these website. They know that women get flooded with responses and I like to see how they chose to differentiate themselves--few do a good job at this.
My posting said that I was looking for a new lover--which is mostly true, but also, I'm looking for someone who I can talk to, who I actually like as a person, which I have had only sporadically these last few months (I could talk to the political consultant but he was so NOT empathetic and a little selfish, not to mention that he had no weird or unusual fantasies, so we mostly just had oral and regular sex. BOR-ING.) It also said a little about me including that I have more intellectual interests, am Jewish and that my age. I was honest and divulged that I was looking for someone who would NOT want to stay over, get emotionally involved or want to bond with me. I have pretty strict rules that I eventually want to break or get broken (I didn't mention this part).
There were no shortage of replies asking if I was real, calling me baby (my pet peeve), telling me what I need and why I am not getting what I'm looking for (one guy told me that having a pit bull is a cock block), remains never ending. Throngs of twentysomethings aren't getting laid in this town (what?! What are the girls doing??) and several times I was asked if I wanted to be the cougar--which is NOT my idea of a compliment or something to aspire to. I'm not even 40--a cougar? Really? And, what shocked me even more is that when I didn't respond, I got repeated emails from some men, resending their original response with an indignant note attached when I didn't rush to email them back and invite them over. I did speak to one guy--a self-proclaimed grand puba of finance, complete with his own hedge fund, who spoke to me like he was interviewing my vagina for a job (I used my grown up voice and all my big words when talking to him) who chastised me a little for not being more spontaneous and was disappointed that after talking to me for 20 minutes, I wasn't rushing into a cab and to his fancy "rental in a doorman building" to have sex that would, as he promised, "leave me grinning from ear to ear." Little does he know, but to women, that is code for, "I'll try to ring your clitoris like it's a doorbell because no one ever taught me the proper way to do this, but I am a legend in my own mind." I emailed him shortly after our phone conversation and declined our pending coffee date; he was surprised and told me again that I completely misunderstood him. Why would I want a lover that I cannot communicate with, aside from the fact that the vagina he was trying to interview on the phone came attached to an entire body? Would I expect that because he can't understand simple sentences of English, he can understand what my body is seeking?
It's days later and the emails are still trickling in--still a combination of men who are horny at work (do I make office calls? What are they expecting?) and other men who are STILL indignant because they didn't initially get a response from me. Surely, it was a mistake because I would want them. I'm just a foolish girl, who must not be real.
At the end, I chose someone who isn't Jewish, who knows that I'm in love with someone else, who doesn't want a one-night stand but an on-going relationship, who likes me in addition to wanting to fuck me, and despite myself, I'll probably date for a little while. Leave it to me to screw up a CL posting and get a relationship out of it.
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