Maiden Posting

Well, I'm no friggin maiden, but I'm terrible with titles and just didn't know where to start things, so as with the rest of the things in my life, I'll just start in the middle. Yes--this means that I am the woman who does not read directions and just tries to figure things out and then gets frustrated and forces someone else to do it for me. Call me lazy--you won't be the first.

So, it's 7pm on a Friday night and I'm stuck at work and frankly pretty pissed about it. I needed to vent--and my boss already heard my sassy attitude about waiting around for an expected call, but why not thrust my aggravation on the blog reading public, I say. I think it's a quote from Ren (of the famed Ren and Stimpy), "When you have lemons, squirt the juice into someone else's eye." So, perhaps I should just focus on wasting time on the company dime, happily listen to my Fiona Apple album and calm down or I can stew and complain.

Anyway, I haven't ever written a blog, so I'm not sure where to start--what to reveal about myself, and whether or not this should be a like the first correspondence to a pen pal--where you spill the mundane details about your life in an effort to get to know each other. And frankly, it all seems a little mundane these days, but I'll put on my thinking cap and reach far, far back to those marketing classes I took in b-school and think of something catchy, something interesting and a reason for you to come back and visit my blog again. By then, I'll have come up with something more interesting.

Wait.
Wait.
Wait.

Got it....the old Letterman approach.

Top 10 Reasons You Should Start Tuning into My Blog and Tell Your Friends.

10) Someday, when I'm a famous writer, you'll have to pay to read my writing. Take advantage of it being free now.

9) Despite the title of this blog, my life really isn't plain vanilla--it's IRONY. Which means I have some pretty good shit to dish.

8) My nice Jewish conservative mother would be happy to know that more people are reading about the intimate details of my life, many of which she doesn't know.

7) My friends think I'm entertaining and often call me to find out what the current drama is.

6) I'm pretty cute and have two pretty cute cats.

5) I freelance write for a variety of adult magazines, so I am at ease with colorful and vivid language.

4) I'm a Leo. We like attention.

3) There are no shortage of bizarre observations that I make in New York City on a daily basis. I'll share them with you.

2) I write haikus. See?

Puerto Rican Boy.
My mother would kill me if.
She knew I date him.

1) It's more fun to read my blog than to be productive at work.


xo,
RAB